How to cope when you fail to honor a commitment

We make commitments every day. They can be simple or life-changing — from simply promising to complete a task to making a lifelong commitment such as becoming a parent or asking for someone’s hand in marriage. But do we take our commitments seriously?

Some folks make commitments at the drop of a hat, thinking they can walk away from the obligation if they change their mind. Don’t they understand that commitments come with responsibility? Don’t they care that they may be hurting someone they care about? Don’t they understand that their actions have consequences? If the answer is yes, why don’t people honor their commitments?

Broken Promises. Broken Commitments.

Commitments often fail because people:

Lack personal responsibility. Some people make commitments too easily. Then, as soon as the wind changes direction, they head for the exit.

Make a minimal commitment. Some folks are afraid of getting hurt so they dip their toe in the water rather than jumping in.

Play the field. Some people don’t like to be tied down. They’d rather settle for several superficial relationships than one meaningful one.

“Jump ship” for a better offer. Some folks are opportunists. They’re always on the prowl for a better situation.

Look out for number one. Some people are strictly out for themselves. These selfish folks have a hard time making a commitment that requires even minimal sacrifice.

Keep score. Some folks treat a relationship as a competition. They can’t stand being on the losing end, even for a short period of time.

Make too many commitments. Some people can’t find the words or courage to decline a request. They end up breaking their promise; one that they never felt comfortable about making from the start.

“Chicken out” during tough times. Some people have no character. As soon as something goes south, they’re nowhere to be found.

Do You Understand the Meaning of Commitment?

Here are nine ingredients of a successful commitment. Use them as guideposts through your life.

Go all in. Think twice before making a commitment. Once you do, take the plunge rather than making a half-hearted effort.

Honor your word. Accept responsibility. When you make a commitment, you’re giving your word and putting your honor on the line. Act like it.

Expect the best. Put your complete trust and faith in the commitments that you make. That will encourage you to focus on long-term potential rather than seeking immediate gain.

Keep the relationship front and center. Focus as much on the journey as on the end result. Never sacrifice the relationship for results.

Give first. Give with an open hand. The odds are high that your deed will be reciprocated. But remember, there’s no need to keep score.

Make yourself vulnerable. Be honest and transparent. That will promote a healthy, trusting relationship.

Demonstrate your loyalty. Live up to your commitments in good times and bad. Tough times say a lot about us. Make sure they say only good things about you.

Watch each other’s back. Promote opportunities where everyone wins. Focus on their best interests and have faith that they’ll focus on yours.

Think as one. Build together, grow together, and win together. It’s that simple.

Is Your Commitment as Binding as a Contract?

People are way too quick to make commitments and too quick to abandon them. When you make a commitment, you’re not saying I’ll give it a shot, you’re saying, I’m all in –– and nothing less. When you make a commitment, you’re not saying you’ve got more than I’ve got, you’re saying I’m so happy that you’re happy. When you make a commitment, you’re not saying I’ll honor my responsibility when times are good, you’re saying count on me to be at my best when times are worst. The truth is, when you make a promise, you’re not giving your word in erasable pencil, you’re inscribing your commitment in indelible ink.

Making a commitment is serious business and not something to be taken lightly. When you make a commitment, you’re not only keeping your commitment for their benefit, you’re also keeping it for yourself. That’s because your honor and self-respect hang in the balance. What’s that worth? Everything! Be very careful about making commitments and always be faithful in keeping them.

Do You Keep Your Commitments?

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“Commitment Questions” are tricky to answer, because the tendency is to come across either as too unrealistic or too uncertain. If you’re interviewing for an Analyst position, you don’t want to say you’re 100% certain you’ll be a banker for life – but you should say it’s what you’re most interested in doing, and that you do have plans to stay in finance or business. MBAs will need to show more commitment and assure the interviewer they are serious about making a career out of it. Common questions on this topic include where else you’re interviewing, why you’ve switched careers in the past and testing the old “Why banking?” question again in slightly different forms, just to make absolutely certain you’re committed.

1. Where else are you interviewing? Is it just banking? Consulting? Other companies?

Just banking. You’re not interested in consulting / other options and don’t want to waste recruiters’ time.

You need to say this even if you’re so uncertain that you’re deciding between opening a zebra ranch, going on a spiritual journey to Nepal, going back to McKinsey or starting a laundromat with your roommate’s uncle.

2. Are you mostly interviewing at larger banks like us? What kinds of options within banking are you considering?

Mostly larger banks, but you have received some interest from other places so you’re looking at a couple options. If you can mention specific names, that makes your answer even better.

If you’re interviewing in a group like M&A or Healthcare, talk about how you’re mostly speaking with similar groups to show you’re serious about that one area.

3. Before you entered business school, I see you switched jobs about once a year. How do I know that you’re here to stay for the long-term?

Although you switched jobs pre-MBA, it’s quite common to move when better opportunity arises. However, you’ve done a lot of research, spoken with friends, alumni and other connections and are certain banking is for you after doing your own due diligence. You’ve actually looked into other career options and nothing is as attractive to you as banking.

4. Recently some Analysts and Associates have left “early” and jumped to hedge funds or private equity. If the opportunity comes up, why would you stay here instead?

You looked into investing but realized you don’t like the nature of the work – there’s too much due diligence and “looking at deals” rather than taking action and actually doing deals. As a result, after all your research speaking with alumni and other connections, you’re set on banking.

5. Tell me about a time when you failed to honor a commitment.

The key with this type of question is to bring up a “failure” briefly and then to spend most of your time talking about what you’ve learned from it and how you’ve improved rather than dwelling on the failure itself.

6. If I gave you an offer right now on the spot would you take it?

“Yes, show me the dotted line and I’d sign it right now.”

Even if this is a lie, you still have to say it in an interview or you won’t get an offer.

7. Let’s say that we were to give you an offer – how long would you need to decide whether or not to accept it?

“Show it to me and I’ll sign and accept it right now.”

Some people think this is “unethical” if you’re really not certain, but keep in mind that until you’ve signed something in writing you can do whatever you want.

No, they won’t like you if you verbally accept and then renege, but it’s not the end of the world – just the end of your relationship with that bank.