How to Become a Friend
By Robert King
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Learning how to be his friend first, before you can be his girlfriend isn’t the easiest task in the world. In fact, it’s difficult to put your feelings aside and to just be his friend first right? If you’re trying to learn how to be his friend first, I’ve got all of the top tips below! These tips will help you learn the ins and outs of how to be his friend first! So take a look girls!
1. Don’t Be Shy
The first ‘how to be his friend first’ tip that we’re going to talk about is you. You need to learn not to be shy with your crush, instead, be out there a little bit, put yourself out there. Guys like girls that are outgoing and want someone to be their friend that is going to spill everything to them – and that they can spill. So girls, beef up on your confidence and quit being shy!
2. Common Ground
When you are trying to be his friend, one of the biggest things that you’ll need to remember is that you have to have some common ground. Common ground is what will make you BFF’s girls! Do you have something in common? Do you both like video games? Do you both like math class? Think of something that you both like and draw on it! This is absolutely one of the best ‘how to be his friend first’ tips that will make your friendship so much stronger!
3. Gain His Trust
Your friend has to trust you, so you’ll have to work on gaining his trust. Does he tell you all kinds of secrets? Do you keep them? These are important things to remember, especially when you are learning how to be his friend first. If your ‘friend’ to spill things to you, you’ve got to make sure that you are going to gain his trust.
4. Be Yourself
One of the most important lessons that you’ll need to learn when learning how to be his friend first is be yourself. There is no sense in putting up any walls or fronts girls, you’ve got to be yourself if you really want your ‘friend’ to like you and stick with you through thick and thin! Being his friend first is all about honesty girls and you’ve got to be yourself in order to be honest!
5. Take an Interest in His Life
When you are trying to learn how to be his friend first, make sure that you take interest in his life! That means that you’ll have to dig a little bit and see exactly what he likes to do. You don’t necessarily have to be involved in every single thing that he does, but it’s great to know what he likes and what his interests are!
6. Don’t Move Too Fast
When you are just learning how to be his friend first, make sure that you don’t move too fast into trying to be more than his friend. Truthfully girls, you’ve got to ensure that you are compatible and that he likes you as more than a friend. So be his friend first and take it slow!
7. Admit You Have a Crush when the Time is Right
Finally, only admit that you have a crush on him when the time is right for both of you. Not a second sooner! You want the time to be right girls, you don’t want to rush right into it – it can lead to broken hearts and hurt feelings.
So girls, there you have it, all of my tips on how to be his friend first! Remember, learning how to be his friend first might not be easy, but it’ll pay off! So, what other tips do you have to share?
by Saeed Darabi – Last Updated December 31, 2017 (This post may contain affiliate links.)
You may be surprised to read this, but you can actually get paid to be someone’s friend.
And no, I am not talking about escort services or anything like that. I am talking about getting paid to simply be someone’s friend for a few hours and accompany them to a dinner, party, movie, wedding, or wherever else they like to go with a friend.
RentAFriend is a company that makes that possible. It connects people who need a friend for a few hours or a day with those who are looking to earn some extra cash as a professional friend.
Table of Contents
So, It’s a Dating Site?
No! It is important to distinguish RAF from dating sites or escort services.
This is strictly a platonic friendship website.
Who on Earth Rents a Friend?
There are lots of reasons for people to do this.
Here are a few examples from the site itself:
People who travel to a new city can hire a local to show them around town. It`s always good to know someone from the area who can give you first hand information about where to go and what to avoid.
Someone might want to see a movie or go out to a restaurant but don`t have anyone to go with. They could “Rent a Friend” to go along with them.
Many Friends on RentAFriend.com have unique talents and skills. They can teach you a new language, tutor you, share a new hobby, art, dance, and much more.
People who travel often for business that are looking to find local Friends to go out to dinner with, go to the bar with, or watch a sports game with.
People who have an extra ticket to a sporting event or concert and don`t want to go alone. They can “Rent a Friend” to go along them.
Someone may want a workout partner for the gym. Renting a Friend to help motivate and spot you during your workout. It can also be a lot cheaper than hiring a personal trainer.
How RentAFriend Works
People who are looking for friends just browse through the website until they find someone that they like.
They do this by entering their country, state, city, or zip code to find potential friends in the area. It’s really not that hard.
If you’re interesting enough, people will get in touch with you through RentAFriend to talk about what they want to do.
You can negotiate your rate for the set date, place, and activity, and these people will pay you directly.
If you’re uncomfortable doing certain activities, just decline. No hard feelings.
You’ll find that members will contact you for some indoor rock climbing or bike riding, while others would like to go to more fancy events like concerts, gallery shows, casinos, and galas.
How to Get Started?
To start earning money from this website, you first to send your application.
This normally just takes a couple of minutes to fill out and when you’re done, your profile is often approved in just under an hour.
And then, that’s it! Your profile goes live and people can get in touch with you. Discuss the preferred activities as well as the corresponding fee, time, and date.
When all is said and done, all you need to do is to meet up, have fun, and make some easy cash.
Why I Should Trust This Site?
It’s completely free. That’s right. Unlike other websites where you have to shell money to make money, all you need to do to be part of this website is to post your profile. Even better, you get to keep all the money that you earn!
You are not forced to do anything that you don’t like. If a person gets in touch with you that’s even the slightest bit creepy, you’re free to say: “No, thanks… Next, please!”
Plus, you also get to decide just how much you want to be paid and your available dates.
People have to get a paid RentAFriend membership just to contact you, which means that they are pre-qualified and absolutely serious. No timewasters here.
How Much Money Can I Make?
So, just how much can you make posing as someone’s friend?
I did some research, and it seems like you can find people earning as little as $300 on weekends and people who are pulling in about $8000 every month, mainly because they do it full-time.
So, I guess the amount you can make relies heavily on the number of clients you get and how much time you put into this thing.
RentAFriend.com is a legitimate website that not only makes you money, but is a lot of fun, too. Visit the website and post a profile today.
Final Thoughts
While this can be a great opportunity to meet new friends and make extra cash, be sure to keep your safety as your first priority!
As with any situation meeting a stranger, be sure to use common sense and good judgement.
Don’t meet someone at their home or in a secluded place.
Always meet in public.
Let a friend or family member know where you’re going and who you’re going to meet. Also set up “check in” times with your designated friend or family member.
Trust your gut! If something feels “off” then leave immediately.
Discussion
Michael yinka says
How real is this hilarious offer?
Satrap says
It is real. I have read about it on a few major national newspapers (I think it was HufPost, not sure) and the company still exist.
Sara Grubb says
Ritah says
After chat how do i gt my money via.
Satrap says
A few ways: Cash, Check or PayPal.
Ellie says
I got accepted but no one has wanted to meet up
Shalara E. Brown says
This is pretty amazing
Pamela Moss says
I am a Inviting young woman looking to be friends, I enjoy a variety of activities which include but are not limited to dancing and long novels water sports, and skating. I’m always open to fresh new ideas. I am looking forward to meeting in the near future.
Share your thoughts Cancel reply
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I’ve had lots of practice making friends. Over the last 33 years, our family has moved seven times for my husband’s job. Each time I left friends behind. Each time we settled into a new neighborhood with new neighbors. Each time we joined a new church with a new church family.
It didn’t take long to learn that if I wanted to enjoy meaningful, solid friendships I could not waste any time. I had to be intentional about making friends and I had to be a friend worth having.
Sadly, today’s fast-paced, shallow culture hinders the kind of friendships God desires us to have. Before we look at biblical principles for building and keeping friendships, let’s touch on a few things we’ll want to avoid.
3 Hindrances to Meaningful Friendships:
Busyness – Does it seem you never have time to enjoy long conversations with the friends you have now? Do weeks go by without seeing your local friends face-to-face? Honestly, most of us make time to do what we really want to do. If you think you are just too busy to foster deep friendships, try keeping a time long for a week to see just where your time goes. Perhaps you’re serving in some areas where God has not called you. Or maybe you’re allowing too many activities for your children to dictate your life. Purposefully build some margin into your life. Your friendships are vital to your emotional and spiritual well-being.
Fear of transparency – Although we cannot “go deep” with all our friends, we do need a few with whom we can share anything. We need people who can hear our hearts and understand. And we need friends who will hold us accountable when we are out of line. Yet, too often we are afraid to allow other people to know our flaws. We want them to think we have it all together. But we desperately need friends who will challenge us to be all God wants us to be. Yes, it can be scary, but test the waters. Choose one personal thing to share with a select friend and see how it goes!
Breadth of acquaintances – In our social media world, it’s easy to confuse quantity with depth. Thousands of shallow “friends” mask the lack of real, deep friendships. Let’s limit our time with our online friends and get out in the real world.
11 Biblical Principles for making and keeping real friends:
1. Take the initiative (Acts 18:1-4) – One of my closest, lifelong friends picked me to be her friend before I was really even aware of her. Janet and her family were new to our city, so when they joined our church she wanted to make friends. She introduced herself to me and immediately began to pursue a friendship. Janet taught me to take the initiative. Yes, it can be risky, but the rewards can be great!
2. Practice forgiveness (Colossians 3:13) – True friends don’t hold grudges or remember offenses. Instead they are flexible and quick to forgive. Contemplating God’s forgiveness can help us when we struggle to forgive others.
3. Guard your tongue (Proverbs 16:28, Ephesians 4:29) – Loose lips ruin many friendships. Careless words hurt feelings. Gossip fosters division. Confidences broken destroy trust. Before we speak, let’s pause to consider whether our words will tear down or build up.
4. Be a “good” friend (Ephesians 4:2-3) – Christ-like character fosters deep, long-lasting friendships. Qualities like humility, gentleness, patience, and endurance create a solid foundation on which to build life-long friendships.
5. Extend hospitality (1 Peter 4:9, Proverbs 25:17) – Sometimes we are quick to accept hospitality, but a little slower to give it. Let’s make time to not only invite our friends to our homes, but to also make them feel welcome. On the flip side, Proverbs 25:17 warns us against taking advantage of our friend’s hospitality.
6. Stay close in hard times (Proverbs 17:17, Proverbs 27:10, Romans 12:10) – A true friend remains loyal when trouble comes. Even if other “friends” fall away they stay devoted and help in any way possible.
7. Nurture them (Ephesians 5:21, Philippians 2:3-4, Romans 12:10) – Friendships will wither without a continual outpouring of time, attention, and resources. Let’s show our friends we care about their needs and their interests with purposeful acts of kindness and generosity. Our friendships will flourish.
8. Listen to them (James 1:19) – It takes lots of practice to keep our mouths closed and really hear what others are saying. But this habit is well worth developing. When others feel “heard” they feel valued.
9. Sharpen them (Proverbs 27:6, Proverbs 27:17, Colossians 3:16, Hebrews 10:24) – The best kind of friend is not merely a “yes man.” Godly friends nudge others closer to Jesus.
10. Pray for them (Job 16:20-21) – Our friends need our purposeful prayer support. Not just casual, occasional prayers, but fervent intercession with God on their behalf.
11. Love them (John 13:34, John 15:3, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 1 John 4:7) – This is actually harder than we might think. God calls us to love our friends like Jesus loves us – not in mere words, but with intentional actions of love that may often cost us something.
Raising friendship rewards some sweet perks
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Photo: James Bareham/Polygon
Every Pokémon Go trainer needs friends. Whether it’s to help with raids or trade Pokémon, friendship shouldn’t be ignored.
When adding a friend in Pokémon Go, there are four levels: Good, Great, Ultra, and Best. Raising friendship every day will improve this level over time. The higher your friendship is with somebody, the better. You’ll be able to trade Pokémon for less Stardust, do more damage if you raid together, and even get a bonus Premier Ball or two when you complete a raid.
Special trades that feature Legendary or Shiny Pokémon that aren’t yet in your Pokédex can cost up to 1,000,000 Stardust to trade, so players should get their friendship levels up before trading. The cost lowers to 800,000 for Great Friends, 80,000 for Ultra Friends, and 40,000 for Best Friends.
How do I raise friendship?
You can raise friendship once per day by sending and opening gifts, raiding together, trading Pokémon, battling in a gym together, or battling each other.
Note that you can only raise your friendship level one time every day, so if you’re trying to maximize your gifts or save time, you should make sure you haven’t raised your friendship already that day. You can check this by looking at the friend’s portrait on the friend screen. If there is a light blue halo glowing around the friend’s circle, that means your friendship has already been raised that day. Note that this isn’t to be confused with the flat circle behind the player, which is just an indicator of what team they’re on.
The friend on the right has raised friendship today, but the friend on the left has not Niantic via Polygon
How do I get a Lucky friend?
Once you’re Best Friends with another player, anything that would normally raise your friendship levels will have a chance to turn you both into Lucky Friends. This means that your next trade with that player will turn both traded Pokémon into Lucky Pokémon.
Lucky Pokémon have their power up Stardust cost cut in half, so it’s pretty nice to have one of your big Pokémon Lucky. But beware — IVs shift around quite a bit when you trade them, so the high IV Kyogres you might want to swap with your Lucky Friend may end up being a little weaker than before. That said, Lucky Pokémon are guaranteed to have at least 12 in all three main stats, which means an 80% IV or higher.
Getting to Best Friends with other players will take several months of daily friendship raising, but the payoff is worth it. In addition to the bonuses mentioned above, you also get heaping amounts of XP every time your friendship with another player ranks up. It’s frequently advised to pop Lucky Eggs before hitting Ultra or Best Friends to double that XP. With a Lucky Egg, reaching Best Friends with a single player rewards a whopping 200,000 XP.
Source: iMore
If you love playing social games with others, then you’ll be interested to know that Animal Crossing: New Horizons allows players to visit each other’s islands and enjoy that sweet tropical life together. While visiting other islands is fun, you’ll be limited on what you’re able to do unless you become “best friends” with another player in the game. Here’s an explanation of the perks you get for being best friends along with how to become best friends in-game.
Word of warning: You should only become best friends with people you trust. Otherwise, they could steal valuable resources from your island and leave you in a bind.
Benefits of being best friends
Becoming friends is easy. All you need to do is have someone show up on your island or visit someone else’s island, then that player will show up in your friends list. However, it takes a little more work to make someone a best friend, and for a good reason.
To protect your island and its resources, your friends cannot use some of their tools while visiting you. However, this changes if you become best friends in the game. You’ll be able to run around together, harvesting everything you can find. Just keep in mind that some players aren’t as considerate as others.
You want to be very careful about becoming best friends with just anybody. One of the worst things that can happen is discovering that all your fruits have been plucked from the trees, and all your flowers have been harvested, leaving you with nothing to do – or worse, with no Bells to earn. Only become best friends with someone you trust.
How to become best friends
If you’ve just started playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons, you won’t be able to visit other islands or invite someone to your island until some time has passed. Typically, people can start doing these things on their second day of playing. If you want help on how to use multiplayer, check out this guide.
Note: If you’re sharing an island with others, then you’ll each have your own best friend list that is separate from the other players on your island. Additionally, even though you’re sharing an island, each player will need to be covered in a Nintendo Switch Online subscription to take part in any online functions.
- Head to the Airport and talk to Orville behind the counter. You can choose to invite someone using local or online play. If you tell Orville that you want to play with others online, you’ll unlock the Best Friends app on your NookPhone. You can use it to communicate with other players and invite them to your island.
You must invite someone to your island or visit someone else’s island to become friends with them. When playing with another player, you can either make it so that any random local or online player can show up on your island. Or, if you want to make sure that only a trusted friend shows up, you’ll want to talk to Orville about setting up a temporary code.
Source: Nintendo and iMore
If you chose the second option, Orville will give you a code to use. Make sure your friend knows the code so they can use it on their Switch.
A small animation will play, showing you that a visitor is coming to your island. Once you’ve played together, you’ll show up on each other’s friend lists.
Source: Nintendo and iMore
Once the games recognizes that you are friends, one of you needs to open your NookPhone and select the Best Friends app.
Source: iMore
Select “Ask to Be Best Friends.”
Source: iMore
Now your friend needs to accept the friend request from their Switch.
Source: iMore
You’re the best of friends
Now that you’ve become best friends, you can run around each other’s islands and harvest together. Remember that the items you collect while exploring someone else’s island will show up in the Recycle Box at Resident Services on your own island. Have fun playing together! I hope you find lots of rare creatures and make tons of Bells!
Have you struggled with teaching kids about friendships? Making friends (and keeping them) are important life skills to have. Here are some simple ways to help teach your child about being a good friend. We at Kids Activities Blog know the importance of friendship because the only way to have a friend is to be a friend.
Teaching Kids
Having good friends makes you happy. Friendships can be developed within families, in neighborhoods, in schools, and even over the internet. Being a good friend is not a skill that kids just pick up from hanging out with other children on the playground. Developing friendships takes a lot of work (both by parents and kids), but can be one of the most rewarding things to happen in a child’s life.
How can we teach kids about friendship?
1. Clearly explain what good friends do.
- Remember important things (birthdays, accomplishments, etc.)
- Are reliable.
- Do kind things for one another and use kind language.
- Help out when a friend is sad or has a problem.
- Like to spend time together.
- Have fun with one another.
2. Read books about friendship. There are so many amazing friendships portrayed in children and young adult literature. Some of my favorite books to read with my kids are ones in the Frog and Toad series by Arnold Lobel. Reading these books together gives us an opportunity to talk about Frog and Toad’s relationship and the characteristics of a good friend (helpful, thoughtful, supportive, generous, good listener, etc). We also love reading the Elephant and Piggie series by Mo Willems. These books show how friends can be very different from one another and still get along. They emphasize the importance of being kind, sharing, and working together to solve problems.
Life Skills
3. Role play how to be a good friend. I like to keep a running list of friendship scenarios (good and bad) that come up when my kids are having playdates with their friends. Once we are home, my husband and I can role play the scenarios while our son watches, or we can include him in the positive role and have him practice positive friendship characteristics (sharing, saying kind words, sticking up for a friend, etc.). We don’t typically role play the negative situations because we like to emphasize the skills we want to see. You can even write your own stories about the scenarios and read them again and again.
4. Set a good example and be a good friend yourself. This is one of the greatest ways to teach kids about being a good friend. Talk to your kids about your friends in positive ways. Make time for your friends and find opportunities to help them, and bring your kids along so that they can be involved too. Think about the characteristics you value in good friends and consistently demonstrate them yourself.
5. Spend time with friends and new people. It is hard to develop friendships if you aren’t around people! We love to get out and get involved in our community. We go to parks, sign up for classes and sports activities, get outside and meet neighbors, volunteer at schools, and participate in church and town events. We also enjoy spending time together as a family because we want our kids to be friends. We work together on home projects, play games, create, and do acts of kindness for one another.
What are some friendship building activities you can do?
Being a friend doesn’t always come naturally. You have to practice! When you meet someone new you need to know how to maintain a conversation with them.
Being A Good Friend
Speed Chatting is a fun way to help kids develop good conversation skills. Brainstorm some simple questions ahead of time, grab a friend, set a timer, and encourage your child to ask his friend questions for one minute while the friend listens and responds… then switch. Once they are done chatting, encourage the kids to tell you what they learned about each other. Listening and then sharing the information with someone else will help kids internalize what they heard and remember it better.
Team building activities help develop friendships. Simple activities we like to do together include building obstacle courses, making forts, baking, and constructing blocks towers. All of these activities are pretty open ended, require some problem solving and negotiation, and encourage communication, which are all great friendship skills to have!
More Kids Activities
Teaching kids to be a good friend will help them make lasting friendships throughout their lives. Life skills like these are important to learn at an early age because it will become more natural for your child the more they practice these skills. For more kids activities that teach kids about being a good friend and other life skills, you may want to take a look at these ideas:
Barbecue sauce is to thank for my first friends-with-benefits situation. One night, I was extolling the virtues of Sweet Baby Ray’s—I come from St. Louis, where citizens consume almost twice as much barbecue sauce per capita as the average person—and I claimed that I would eat barbecue sauce off someone’s dick. (I’m cringing, too, don’t worry.) “In fact,” I lamented, “why don’t people incorporate barbecue sauce in the bedroom more? Why is it only chocolate sauce?”
After a bit, we moved on from barbecue sauce, but later that night I got a text from one of my friends saying, “Were you serious about the barbecue sauce thing?” I scrambled to figure out which part of my pro-sauce soliloquy he was referring to. (If you are ever going to ask a woman to be your FWB in this exact same way, please be more specific than this guy was.) Eventually he not-so-smoothly brought up barbecue sauce and dicks, which led to us joking around and him saying, “haha we should do that sometime.” Reader: We did not do that. But the text did open the door for us to fuck, which was the actual goal of the whole conversation. Bless you, Sweet Baby Ray’s.
It’s a hard conversation to have. There’s a risk—more perceived than real—that you’ll irrevocably ruin a friendship and be branded as a massive weirdo if you admit you’d be down to hook up with a friend of yours. I’ve had a few friends-with-benefits situations, and I can tell you that no one way of bringing this up is going to make you feel like you’re not doing something potentially disastrous. But let me also assure you that it’s normal to want casual sex; a lot of people are going to be similarly thrilled with the idea. And the ones who aren’t? They probably aren’t going to be scandalized by it. Unless you’re hanging out with a lot of practicing Mennonites, you’re probably not going to ruin a friendship by respectfully suggesting a low-key bone sesh. I’m just going to tell you how to do it the right way.
WHEN
A friends-with-benefits talk should happen only after sex has already happened once—asking before there’s been any mutual acknowledgement of sexual interest is a bit too bold, and is more likely to land you in an uncomfortable situation. You can suggest casual sex with a friend you’ve been flirting with (just make your expectations clear), but the ongoing agreement of a sex relationship can’t happen until you’ve already boned once. Otherwise, it’s like saying, “We should do this again” before the first date.
Conversely, you also can’t sleep with someone six times and then just assume they’re on the same page simply because you guys keep having sex. Up-front communication is key in a friends-with-benefits relationship, if only to prevent thornier conversations later. After the first time you fuck a friend, the next chance you get to talk to them while clothed, bring it up. You can say something straightforward like “Hey, I had a lot of fun the other night and would love to do that again, but I should be clear that I’m thinking more of a friends-with-benefits situation rather than dating. No big deal if you’re not into that, though, just wanted to be up front!” Don’t make it some weird diatribe about how you’re not ready for a relationship or can’t give them enough emotionally. No one wants to take on that information from a FWB.
HOW
Jokes are your friend here. The more playful and flirty you can be, the better. If someone jokes about being willing to eat a condiment off of a dick, they’ve given you a gift, and that gift is: You can now bring up sex in a low-key way. One trick of adulthood I’ve learned is if you treat something like Not a Big Deal, other people will follow suit. If you sit someone down and tell them solemnly that you want to propose something to them, and then that something is access to your dick, not only are they probably going to say no, but now you’ve made it weird. However, if you’re casual and confident (you can fake these) about it, you’ll set the tone. This will make it a lot easier to turn down your offer. Feel free to poke fun at the situation; something like “I know this is a total cliché, but I’m not really dating seriously right now, and as gross as the phrase is, what do you think about a friends-with-benefits situation?” This at least acknowledges that there isn’t a good way to go about asking someone to fuck but not date.
There are many advantages and disadvantages to moving your friendship into a relationship. Explore the right time to move out of the friend zone and how to figure out if you’re both ready. Check out what our dating coach had to say.
How to Become More Than Just Friends
Reader Question
I have been friends with a girl for about 5 years now. We became close friends quickly and now we are best friends. We have a very strong and close friendship. Recently though I have had thoughts of becoming more than friends with her. I feel she is the right girl for me, and I would like to pursue these feelings but I do not want to ruin our friendship. How should I approach this matter?— Contributed by: John
Expert Reply
I am a BIG fan of romantic relationship that evolves out of deep friendship and yours would be no exception. That being said, there is a risk to crossing over from friendship to ‘romantic couple.’ For one thing, your girlfriend may not want the friendship to change. She may love you like a friend, but not have feelings that run deeper. Another potential problem with crossing over, is that should the romantic relationship end, the friendship also ends because the pain of losing the romance cannot withstand going back to how things used to be between the two of you. Finally, some couples make great friends and lousy lovers.
On the flip side, there are many benefits of moving a friendship to a romantic relationship. One advantage is that you both already know the ‘good, the bad and the ugly’ about each other. This level of acceptance and trust makes taking the risk worth it! Another benefit of starting a romance based on having a solid friendship is that you also have a solid foundation from which to build. So, how do you know if it’s time to move from friendship to ‘couple’? The ideal is that she would have taken the risk and shared with you her level of interest in doing so. I am assuming by your question that this hasn’t happened yet.
A love worth experiencing is a love worth a risk. To me this means taking a leap of faith. To find out if your girlfriend is interested in taking the friendship to a new level, you’re going to need to ask her. You could plan a trip for the two of you, which would give you the advantage of pointing out how well you both get along and how important she is in your life. A trip would give you the added advantage, should a romance be on the horizon, of creating an opportunity to move the friendship to intimacy.
If planning a trip is a little overwhelming, make it a day trip. The first part of the day is when the two of you can do something fun and adventurous and the evening can be a dinner that is nice and quiet. During dinner, you can recap the day’s events and point out how well the two of you get along and how much you have in common. As she agrees to your points and observations, you can take the biggest risk and tell her how much you appreciate her in your life, how you have come to realize she is the right girl, and you would like to pursue these feelings. Her response will tell you everything you need to know in order to determine if the friendship is ready to move to the next level.
Making friends when you’re young can be as simple as sharing a toy or deciding that we’re suddenly “best friends.” But the older we get, the significantly less straightforward it becomes — at least it can feel that way. It’s probably been a while since many of us had to put ourselves out there. We might feel out of practice and, at the very least, a little confused about what we should actually say to someone we’d like to get to know better.
There isn’t one right way to approach someone you want to be friends with, but here are a few ideas that might help.
1. Highlight a similarity
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” – C.S. Lewis
It’s true what they say; the root of friendship is often an underlying similarity, whether it’s a shared interest, hobby, or sense of humor. That’s why pointing out something you have in common is a great way to approach someone you want to be friends with. Commenting on your shared love of hiking, sushi, or jazz music shows that you’re paying attention to and are interested in the other person and can set the stage for future conversations and outings, and a friendship. The key is to not force it. Avoid exaggerating and don’t try to be someone you’re not. Noticing and highlighting genuine similarities will not only make you feel more comfortable approaching someone, it’ll also help you come across as authentic and increases the chances that you’ll actually hit it off.
2. Ask them a question
Asking someone a question is another option. But if you really want to have a chance at sparking an actual conversation, it’s best to avoid questions about the current time or weather. Come up with thoughtful, open-ended questions, ones that you actually care about learning the answers to. Ask for a specific restaurant recommendation, a new workout class, or the best nearby cafe to work from. If it’s someone you know a little bit, ask for feedback on something you’ve written or created. These kinds of questions show that you have an interest in the other person’s opinion, which suggests that you trust them. They also give a glimpse into your own personality and make follow-up conversations — like chatting about how that exercise class went or even suggesting that you go to one together — a little easier!
3. Pay them a compliment
Compliments from strangers or people we don’t know that well can be so powerful. They are often unexpected and deeply appreciated. That’s why it can be such an impactful way to approach someone we want to be better friends with. It might feel easier to compliment the things that are obvious, like physical appearance or style, but if you feel up to it, make it something a little more personal. Compliment their work ethic, creativity, insightful comment, compassion, or great laugh. Explain what you love about it and why it moves you. These kinds of genuine, perceptive compliments are the ones that stick with us. And moving beyond the superficial can make people feel seen and heard in ways that really foster connection and friendship.
The one caveat: When it comes to compliments, it’s best to avoid going overboard. Usually, the more you give, the more insincere they can start to feel. And ideally, most of us want friendships that are based on balance and equality, not adulation.
4. Offer help
One of the main things that separates good friends from casual acquaintances is the ongoing emotional, practical, and social support. That’s why letting someone know that you’re there if they need help, (e.g., solving a problem with a school or work assignment, or even with some heavy lifting) is a great away to approach them and subtly let them know that you’re interested in being friends. This can work out especially well if you’re able to work together toward a common goal (e.g., like train together for an upcoming race). Sometimes, offering tangible support or having a concrete goal in mind can make it easier to approach someone in the hopes of becoming better friends.
5. Use humor
This approach isn’t for everyone, and it can be harder to pull off if it’s not something you’re used to. It’s not about knock-knock jokes and it’s definitely not about trying to show off your wit or charm. It actually has very little to do with impressing someone else and everything to do with trying to make both of you feel more at ease. Sharing a lighthearted comment or joke, your penchant (pun-chant?) for puns, or your tendency to be self-deprecating gives the other person a glimpse of your personality and can be a great way to connect. Just remember, it’s best to avoid putting someone else down, even in a joking way. And don’t be too hard on yourself if your humor doesn’t land. At the very least it can be a helpful litmus test for seeing whether you can bond over your sense of humor!
6. Be upfront
This last strategy is the one that can make us feel the most vulnerable. It’s hard to put yourself out there and to worry about possibly being rejected. But when you feel like you have the most to lose, you most definitely have the most to gain. If you’ve had only brief interactions with someone you want to get to know better, it’s absolutely okay to share that you’re looking to meet new people and that you’ve really enjoyed the conversations you’ve had so far. Being direct about your desire to make new friends doesn’t have to be a big scary thing. Casually let them know that you’d be happy to chat again or get together in a different context (e.g., “Hey! I really enjoyed our conversation! Any chance you’re open to grabbing a coffee sometime?” or “I actually just moved here and don’t really know anyone. I’d love to find a time to hang out and maybe go for a walk together!”). People are often far more receptive to this than we expect. They might even be relieved that you made the first move!
Regardless of whether you are upfront about the fact that you’d like to be better friends or prefer a more subtle approach, keep in mind that it is a process. It takes time, patience, vulnerability, and repetition — which means plenty of opportunities to practice these different approaches!
What do you think is the best way to approach someone you want to be friends with? Have any of these strategies worked for you? Let us know in the comments below!
This article was originally published on July 19, 2017.
11. Remember the names of significant others in their lives.
Posted Jan 16, 2017
I repeatedly hear individuals of all ages—people who have friends, families and co-workers—say that they feel lonely. This has always fascinated me: How can one be surrounded by caring others and still feel dreadfully alone? I think about this every time I meet a new client: Who are their lives peopled by, and to whom do they feel closest and most connected? It is one thing to be surrounded by others; it is a totally different experience to feel bonded and close.
You may wonder how you can form closer bonds with your friends and family, and new people as well. There are some very wonderful ways to do so, while keeping in mind that some people may lack the bandwidth or the desire to establish more meaningful connections. The following is not an exhaustive list; ideas may need to be tweaked based on who you are interacting with. And, yes, some of these ideas may backfire, but based on my experience most of them will lead to more fulfilling relationships.
1. Ask questions. Express interest in the person’s life. Most important, ask and then listen with your ears and your eyes. You get to know others through what they are saying and their accompanying body language. And we all love a person who listens to us. Speaking at others rather than listening seems to be much easier, and therefore more common. You are unlikely, however, to forge a bond with someone whom you do not appear interested in getting to know on a more than superficial level.
2. When the time is right, engage in a little self-disclosure. This gives your partner in conversation permission to also self-disclose. And then you get to understand each other. You may even develop a set of issues to laugh about together and confide in each other about. Very few people want to feel that they are alone in thinking and behaving in a certain way, or want to be alone with their experiences. It is comforting and validating for most of us to feel like we are in good company.
3. Keep privileged information secret. If you truly respect someone and want to seen as a trustworthy friend, do not share their secrets. This information should not be used as social currency in other relationships. Hold this information close to your heart and consider yourself honored to have been confided in.
4. Show up and be reliable. Your friend is counting on you. If you don’t want to go to the party because you have social anxiety, be honest about what is going on. You don’t want friends to feel that you are avoiding them.
5. Be honest about your feelings. If you are hurt, explain why. If you feel particularly wonderful about an interaction, share that, too. In close relationships we are honest and share the painful and the positive, because the good and the bad both make up the authentic human condition.
6. Share both your joys and your sorrows. In turn, your friend or spouse will feel like he or she can do the same. People who are close act as cheerleaders for each other and are available to dry tears of pain and happiness. Remember that it is not only important to be available for the painful moments, it is equally important to be there to cheer on successes.
7. Share memories. Who doesn’t secretly (or not so secretly) want to talk about their lives and the history that created the colorful tapestry of their current life? Most people are, in fact, yearning, to share memories, There are, of course, always exceptions, and it is my hope that you will recognize when there is considerable discomfort taking a walk down memory lane.
8. Ask the person sitting across from you about a painful event in their past that you have always thought should remain secret. Frankly, many of us would like to talk a little about these events in the presence of a trusted friend—and in the right private setting. Secrets breed anxiety, not closeness.
9. Try not to overdose on each other. Too much closeness can be a little frightening. Even those who are close don’t need to connect too frequently or on a deep level all the time. Sometimes a little space and levity also feed a close relationship and help keep it alive and well.
10. Try hard not to be judgmental. We know what happens when people of all ages feel judged and criticized. They shut down. Of course, you may disagree with a friend but be kind with your opinion. Present your differing opinion gently if you feel it is both necessary and helpful. We are trying to open doors, not slam them shut.
11. Remember the names of significant others in others people’s lives. This shows that you are paying attention. Ask about these people. It’s really all about being familiar with each other, and with the people and events that are important. Make it a point as well to remember birthdays, anniversaries and, for example, the date that your friend is having surgery, returning from vacation, or even having that difficult conversation with her adult son. When you keep track of what is going on in someone’s life, you are clearly close.
12. Pay attention to what brings out the best in others and talk about these activities. We make others feel happy when we give them the opportunity to talk about what makes them tick. Guess what also happens? We feel closer to each other when good energy is generated by our interactions.
13. Be responsive. There really is no excuse not to return a message that someone put effort into sending you. If you are extremely busy, at least send a message indicating as much and explain when you will be more available.
14. Sometimes you just have to let some things go and decide to forgive. In the broad scheme of things, it is more important to maintain close relationships than to win an argument, right? And if there is a consistent source of conflict, you will refer to items 5 and 10 above and focus on being honest and nonjudgmental, right?
15. Try very hard to be attuned to others. More than anything else, we want to be understood. Try to recognize when a friend is having a bad day simply by the power of observation and then acknowledge that you are aware of how they really feel. Similarly, try to recognize when their smile is not really a smile of joy and consider acknowledging that as well.
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