How to be a simple person
By William Rodriguez
“Everybody’s a complex person. Everybody. Everybody’s nuanced.” Jack Abramoff
I tend to believe this. Human beings are, by nature, extremely complex. We have the ability to think ahead, to dream, to love and to mourn the loss of loved ones. But this is in comparison to animals. What does it mean to be a complex person?
There are some people that like the simple life. They have a 9 to 5 job, a partner, and a couple of kids, live in a nice house and go on holiday once or twice a year. They don’t play mind games, they haven’t the need for extramarital affairs and are generally happy. That is a perfectly good life for them and I think most of us would agree.
So how does a complex person differ?
Ask a complex person a question and you won’t get a monosyllabic answer. Complex people will go into great detail and let their minds wander. A complex person will be able to multitask and have an eye for detail. Whether it is deciphering an email or breaking down a plot in a novel, a complex person’s mind is always whirring away.
Complex people are always analysing the finer details. They tend to be worriers. Unlike people who like a simple life who live in the present, complex people either dwell in the past or stress about the future.
Going back to people that are happy with simple life, there’s one psychologist that believes there’s a better way to understand complex people. By exploring what makes us happy.
Flow states
Have you ever started reading a book at night-time and before you know it the early morning birds are tweeting? Or you were out walking your dogs and you had gone so far that you had lost your bearings? When you are in this mental state, you are not aware of it. Only when you come out, you realise that time has passed.
Athletes call this ‘being in the zone’. Psychologists call it ‘flow states’, where you are so absorbed in an activity that you forget where you are. So what has all of this got to do with complex people?
The five signs of a complex person
You might struggle to pronounce his name, but psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wanted to identify what makes us happy. He discovered flow states and inadvertently came to the realisation that people who were able to maintain these flow states typically had complex personalities.
He defined five major characteristics of complex people as “The 5 Cs.”
1. Clarity
It sounds like an oxymoron, complex and clarity, but a complex person has a clear sense of what they want to achieve. They know exactly what they want, both at the moment and they have the ability to focus on how to get the best results in order to achieve them.
2. Center
Complex people are able to shut out the ambient noise and distractions around them. They don’t let anything interfere with the task at hand and are ‘Buddha-like’ in their ability to focus and centre. This is also one of the key features of flow states.
3. Choice
Complex people are always asking different questions in order to get to the best possible outcome. They don’t take things for granted and are active in their own decision-making.
Their lives are dynamic, not stagnating because they constantly make different choices. Complex people don’t live out the same set of experiences every day.
4. Commit
A complex person will tend to commit and follow through a course of action, rather than fall at the first sign of trouble.
Commitment, however, does not indicate that they are simply ‘going through the motions’. A complex person will know why it is important for them to show up and commit to their course of action.
5. Challenge
Complex people consistently challenge themselves and will regularly make their challenges harder. They also love to learn and like to prove themselves, whether it be further education and advanced goals or extreme risks in sports.
They are the ones that are striving for the next level and are never satisfied with what they have achieved.
What it really means to be a complex person
Now that we have a deeper understanding of complex personalities, what does this really mean? There are obviously pros and cons associated with being a complex person.
Pros of being a complex person
- Complex people tend to be associated with creative personalities.
- A complex person can have extreme character traits, for instance, they can be both naïve and knowledgeable, and stern and immature.
- They can adapt easily to changing situations.
- Complex people are able to utilise different strategies to solve problems.
- They do not accept failure easily and will try and find solutions rather than give up.
- Complex people are known for their logical and creative thinking.
- They are in touch with nature and love animals and nature.
Cons of being a complex person
- Complex people tend to overanalyse the slightest little detail.
- This over-analysing can lead to depression, anxiety and phobias.
- They can upset people with their blunt opinions.
- A complex person longs to find someone that understands them.
- They can find it hard to fit in with other people.
- Their thoughts can be overwhelming at times.
- They find it hard to work in a team.
- They tend to be idealists and can feel extremely aggrieved at wrongdoings in the world.
If you recognise the traits of a complex personality in yourself, then you’ll already know the kind of life you’ve experienced. It may have been troublesome, stressful, with anxious moments along the way. Or it might have been joyous, full of challenges met, soul mates met and cherished and masterpieces created. Whatever kind of life you’ve had, I’d like to end with this quote:
“Her complexity is a glorious fire that consumes, while her simplicity goes unapproachable. But if one takes time to understand her, there is something beautiful to find, something simple to be loved. But she goes unloved, for being misunderstood.”
Below is the TED talk by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi where he better explains the psychology of flow states:
My favorite scene from When Harry Meets Sally isn’t the famous orgasm “I’ll have what she’s having” scene or when Harry declares his love for Sally at the end on New Year’s Eve. Instead it’s the scene where Harry explains that there are two types of women in the world: high maintenance and low maintenance. Sally asks which type she is and Harry replies that she is the worst kind – the kind that thinks they’re low maintenance, but really is high maintenance.
This quote kicked off a long conversation with probably the one person in the world who knows me best in some twisted way – a friend I’ve been close with since middle school that became my first boyfriend and the first person to break my heart, but now is one of my best friends. You know that guy? Everybody has some version of that guy. It’s the guy where if our lives were a romantic comedy, we would end up together after both dating other people for ten years and meeting at our high school reunion or over Christmas when we’re both back home and running into each other’s arms in the perfectly drifting snow. Except this is the real world and life doesn’t happen that way. Thank goodness.
Anyways, instead of high or low maintenance, we discussed if we were simple or complicated people. When we were both still in college and just hanging out in his car one night over bobba tea (we’re from Cupertino, California – this is what people do!), he told me that he knew his future wife would be a complicated girl. Fast forward to med school for him and business school for me, our most recent conversation led to him laughing, “No, I was an idiot. Complicated people are so. difficult. I’m glad my current girlfriend and I are easy and simple. We’re just. good.”
I am a complicated girl or as Sex and the City coined it, a “Katie girl” after Barbra Streisand’s character in The Way We Were. And I don’t say that with particular pride as if being complicated is better. Sometimes I wish I could shut off my brain from over analyzing things and can only imagine how much easier my life would be if I were more simple. I’ve seen my male friends date girls I always called “sweet” girls (and somehow always named Sarah) and they seem perfectly lovely, if only a little bit dull. In the most self-centered text I have ever sent and only possible to someone you’re that good of friends with, I texted him today and asked, “Okay, if I’m a complicated girl, then should I date a simple guy or a complicated guy?” He responded by explaining his philosophy that life is like Gossip Girl. Do you want to be in a Blair/Chuck relationship or a Serena/Nate relationship? Like I said, we were never ever going to work out.
But in some way, I think he’s right. As I see more and more people getting engaged and married, the theme I’ve noticed is that the ones who are getting married now have simple relationships. I’m not saying their love is easy or less passionate, it’s just that their relationships don’t have a lot of clutter and no one has a lot of baggage. They’ve been together for so long that they are each other’s past and no one has to deal with the ramifications of the hurt caused by someone else before them. And not just the distrust and insecurities from past relationships, but from anything in their past. Ask anybody who has dated someone with something as basic as physical insecurities or family drama and you will know how much it can affect a relationship because it’s just such a large part of who they are. Very few people out there are just that wholesome.
My friend’s point at the end was that if you date a complicated guy, things will be more difficult, but he might understand you better, while things might be easy with a simple guy, but you’ll be frustrated when he doesn’t seem to get you. At the end of the day, I’ve always believed that everyone is crazy. You just need to find someone whose crazy matches your crazy and whose baggage matches your baggage. And even if you don’t find this crazy person, it’s okay, there are a lot of other crazy people out there that make pretty good friends.
Joy is within your reach — so go grab some!
Posted Jan 26, 2015
We all want to feel happy, and each one of us has different ways of getting there. Here are 10 steps you can take to increase your joie de vivre and bring more happiness into your life:
- Be with others who make you smile. Studies show that we are happiest when we are around those who are also happy. Stick with those who are joyful and let it rub off on you.
- Hold on to your values. What you find true, what you know is fair, and what you believe in are all values. Over time, the more you honor them, the better you will feel about yourself and those you love.
- Accept the good. Look at your life and take stock of what’s working, and don’t push away something just because it isn’t perfect. When good things happen, even the very little ones, let them in.
- Imagine the best. Don’t be afraid to look at what you really want and see yourself getting it. Many people avoid this process because they don’t want to be disappointed if things don’t work out. The truth is that imagining getting what you want is a big part of achieving it.
- Do things you love. Maybe you can’t skydive every day or take vacations every season, but as long as you get to do the things you love every once in a while, you will find greater happiness.
- Find purpose. Those who believe they are contributing to the well-being of humanity tend to feel better about their lives. Most people want to be part of something greater than they are, simply because it’s fulfilling.
- Listen to your heart. You are the only one who knows what fills you up. Your family and friends may think you’d be great at something that really doesn’t float your boat. It can be complicated following your bliss. Just be smart, and keep your day job for the time being.
- Push yourself, not others. It’s easy to feel that someone else is responsible for your fulfillment, but the reality is that it is really your charge. Once you realize that, you have the power to get where you want to go. Stop blaming others or the world, and you’ll find your answers much sooner.
- Be open to change. Even if it doesn’t feel good, change is the one thing you can count on. Change will happen, so make contingency plans and emotionally shore yourself up for the experience.
- Bask in the simple pleasures. Those who love you, treasured memories, silly jokes, warm days, and starry nights—these are the ties that bind and the gifts that keep on giving.
Happiness and fulfillment are within your grasp, but sometimes just out of reach. Understanding what works best for you is the first step in finding more of them.
A first impression is key to attract people, and as the name suggests, it happens in the first few minutes. In order to be much more impressive and attractive, follow these 13 steps. They are of course not very easy but the thing is you need to be more and not overdo any of them anyway.
1. Have confidence. If you don’t believe in yourself, nobody will. But don’t exaggerate it to a point that you become a know-it-all, egotistic asshole.
2. Smile more.
Don’t smile at everything, of course. Smiling moderately will make you look more confident.
3. Fix your posture. With a bad posture, you look tired, cheerless, and sad. And that doesn’t make you very impressive or attractive.
Just start with standing up straight!
4. Be realistic. If you’ve been living in a fantasy world and couldn’t make any of your dreams come true, start thinking about your dreams and set yourself reasonable goals.
Your realistic attitude will also make people around you trust you more.
5. Be generous. When sharing your food or tipping at a restaurant, don’t be a rude penny-pincher.
But of course, don’t go around throwing money around to look impressive. That’s not cool either.
6. Don’t avoid making eye contact. It shows your self confidence, as well as your respect for the other person.
But of course, don’t stare at them creepily. That’ll scare them away.
We all want to be better. Better at our jobs, better lovers,happier overall. but it’s easier said than done thanks to how easily our emotions and willpower get swayed by everyday life. But if you learn how to avoid those pitfalls, your life will suddenly get a whole lot better.
And so, with a little help from Entrepreneur, Psychology Today, and a good bit of research by yours truly, here are 10 expert ways to be a mentally stronger person.
1. Deal with your emotions
Take a minute to think about what you do when you’re feeling some unsavory emotions. Do you bury yourself in your bed and sleep for hours when you’re sad? Do you binge eat when you’re stressed? Grab a bottle and start drinking when you’re angry?
While we’re all guilty of doing at least one of those things, none of them are really good for actually dealing with our emotions and working through them in a healthy way. That’s why, to be a mentally stronger person, you need to learn better coping skills. Instead of self-medicating or engaging in other self-destructive behaviors, try some of these:
- Write in a journal. Putting those intense thoughts on paper actually helps you process them.
- Go for a walk or run. Physical activity (without over-exerting yourself) will help you calm down, and the boost of endorphins will help you feel so much better.
- Meditate! Empty your mind and push all those bad thoughts aside. You’ll reduce negative emotions, feel more patient, and will be able to cope better.
Even Mad Men’s Don Draper dabbled in meditation. (Photo: AMC)
2. Delay gratification
Instant gratification is something we all love. However, science tells us that delaying it is so, so important for success, and only those who have the willpower to keep from indulging in a moment’s enjoyment reap the successes later on.
Here’s some research to support this: In one of the most famous psychological studies of all time, called the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment, researchers at Stanford University tested the willpower of children by giving them a marshmallow before leaving the room for 15 minutes. The children were told that they could eat the marshmallow immediately, but if they waited until the researcher returned, they’d get a second one.
The children who patiently waited those agonizing 15 minutes and got a second marshmallow went on to be more successful in life than those who couldn’t resist, and had higher SAT scores, more successful careers, and even lower BMIs.
3. Learn to say “no”
For many of us, saying no is pretty damn hard. But research from the University of California in San Francisco revealed that the harder it is for you to say no to people, the more likely you are to be stressed, get burnt out, and even depressed. And that’s not good.
That said, mentally strong people don’t have a problem saying no, which keeps them from overcommitting themselves. If you say yes to things you don’t want to do, or every time someone asks you for help or invites you somewhere, you won’t have any time for yourself, nor will you be happy.
Long story short, try to incorporate the word “no” more into your vernacular. Your mind and body will thank you.
4. Give up bad habits
In order to be a mentally strong person, you need to ditch your bad habits ASAP, because you can’t move forward with them weighing you down. Some of the absolute worst habits to kick include:
- Comparing yourself to others
- Surrounding yourself with negative people or people you don’t like
- Ruminating on the past
- Being afraid of change
- Not learning from your mistakes
- Worrying about things you can’t control or change
Once you get rid of those toxic habits, your life will get exponentially better. Trust.
5. Don’t blame others
If you fuck up or something goes wrong, do you play the blame game? Or do you take responsibility for what happened?
Even though it’s often easiest to throw blame on others, it’s never a good thing. For example, if your girlfriend gets upset with you often about a certain thing you do – for instance, not being thoughtful — and you find yourself blaming her for starting a fight and making you feel bad, try thinking about it from her perspective. What did or didn’t you do that made her upset?
Taking responsibility for your problems is incredibly empowering and so, so important to building mental strength, because only then will you be able to learn from your mistakes and avoid them in the future, solve problems, and be more successful.
6. Overcome your inner critic
Thanks to a little something called the self-fulfilling prophecy, being your own worst critic is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Those negative thoughts only set you up for failure, so instead of judging and criticizing yourself and expecting the worst outcome of a situation, try to force yourself to believe that you’re going to succeed in anything you do.
However, if those pesky negative thoughts persist, take a minute to really think about them, and odds are you’ll realize that some of them are completely irrational.
7. Be grateful
Life, my friend, is a giant bitch. As you already know, no matter how hard we try to avoid it, this beautiful thing called life flings some serious horse shit our way, and we simply need to roll up our sleeves and deal with it.
But here’s the difference between people who possess great mental strength versus those who don’t: Mentally strong people deal with their sorrows and problems gracefully and focus on what they’re grateful for, whereas those who aren’t wallow in self-pity…which is never, ever productive.
So, to be a mentally stronger person, work on training yourself to practice gratitude for all of the wonderful things in your life, and you can do it by something as simple as keeping a little notepad next to your bed and writing down three things you’re thankful for before going to sleep. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s one of the most effective ways to be a stronger, happier person.
Learning how to profile people has many advantages. While it is mostly used in criminal investigations, profiling has come quite in handy in everyday situations.
Not only does it allow you to gain a deeper insight into people’s actions, it also gives you an upper hand in many situations.
In this article, I’ll teach you a few simple but handy tips on how to profile people.
People say one thing but do another. By looking at a person’s body language, you’ll be able to detect if there is any discomfort or conflict in him.
A person who is lying, for example, will find it difficult to look at you in the eye. A relaxed posture, on the other hand, can be (though not completely) a sign of innocence. Tense shoulders and stuttering can mean that there is something the person isn’t saying.
Tip #2: Watch Out for Reactions.
The way people react to certain things can also teach you more than a few things about them. For example, a person who reacts visually – those who notice the stunning view above all else – are said to respond more strongly to logic.
But what if the person is more attuned to the sound of the waves rolling? Those people are typically called Auditories and respond more to verbal communication.
Tip #3: Observe Good Habits and Bad Habits.
If you want to know how to profile people, you’ve got to be a keen observer. One thing you can do as practice is to identify the habits of the people around you.
Even if you don’t know them personally or have only ever seen them once, it is possible for you to pick up on their mannerisms simply by studying their actions.
Tip #4: Listen for Specific Words.
The words people use can say a lot about them and their personality.
People who use words like fabulous or fantastic are more likely to be flamboyant in nature than others. People who use highfalutin words probably had a good education or are covering for one form of insecurity or another.
From this alone, you can now hypothesize on the kind of things that the person is interested in.
Tip #5: Clothes Make the Man (Or Woman).
Learning how to profile people is also quite fun as it exercises your mind. It trains you to become more observant and to look for things that other people may not have even thought of.
Looking at how they dress up, for example, can already tell you a lot of things. Do they dress sloppily or are they obscenely neat?
These are just some of the ways on how to profile people. The more often you practice profiling, the better you get at identifying types of people and personalities. Reading more about it won’t hurt either!
“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.”
Even though I got Joey McIntyre from The New Kids on the Block to sign my scoliosis back brace in the sixth grade, I still felt ugly wearing it.
I didn’t realize the irony back then, but in retrospect it seems a little funny that I grew crooked considering I convinced myself I was wilting in my sister’s shadow. (I also had braces and headgear, but that’s another story.)
I was a kid who wanted to be beautiful, but more desperately wanted to feel loved. My self-esteem increased through the years, but I never quite shook the sneaking suspicion I’d never be beautiful enough. Or maybe lovable enough.
It would be easy to blame it all on society and the Kate Moss era of modeling, but I think it’s more than that. I just never learned to notice and appreciate all the beautiful things about myself. The stuff that had nothing to do with my waistline, skin tone, or eye lashes and everything to do with who I am.
I never learned to give myself the credit for all the good I do in the world. I was too busy cataloging my weaknesses, mistakes, and flaws to recognize it.
It seems like such a cliché to say that pretty is as pretty does, but the truth is, physical beauty is subjective. And even if someone perfectly matches your ideal of physical perfection, their looks will eventually fade. What endure are the qualities, passions, and habits we nurture.
That’s what makes us beautiful—and believe me when I say there is something beautiful in everyone. If you’ve done any of the following lately, you are absolutely beautiful:
1. Smile. As the quote goes, “I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.”
2. Be there for someone who needs you even if there’s nothing in it for you—give without expectations.
3. Make a sacrifice for someone you love.
4. Admit a mistake, even if it’s hard to say you’re wrong, and work to make amends.
5. Share your struggles, putting your ego aside, to make someone else feel less alone.
6. Create something that helps people. A song, a blog, a support group, a non-profit—anything that inspires.
7. Help a child feel good about him or herself.
8. Tell someone what you appreciate about them, even if you feel vulnerable.
9. Forgive someone without needing to hear the words, “I’m sorry.”
10. Create positive energy around you by thinking positive thoughts and acting with positive intentions.
11. Sit with reality without judging anyone or anything.
12. Accept someone for who they are instead of trying to change them to who you want them to be.
14. Notice something simple but beautiful in the world around you.
15. Acknowledge the beauty in others instead of feeling threatened or competing with other people.
16. Be the change you want to see in the world, as per Gandhi’s suggestion.
17. Tap into your personal power and do something that makes a difference in the world.
18. Find strength in a challenging moment. It’s not easy to do, and you deserve credit for it.
19. Talk kindly about the world around you instead of gossiping or complaining.
20. Forget yourself for a minute and do nothing but listen to someone who needs it.
21. Measure a person by their best moments, not their worst.
22. Give yourself the same courtesy—focus on the good you’ve done, not the mistakes you’ve made.
23. Take the high road when someone hurts you instead if being cruel or catty.
24. Make someone laugh. A smile can literally melt stress and pain away. How beautiful of you to do that for someone else!
25. Make someone cry—tears of joy that is. People want to feel moved, inspired, motivated. Never underestimate the power of touching someone’s heart.
26. Keep an open mind instead of sticking with a judgment or assumption.
27. Love what you’re tempted to fear.
28. Be the voice of optimism when the people around you need it badly.
29. Show humility when your accomplishments would make it easy to stand above people.
30. Handle rejection or failure with grace. It’s far more easily said than done—and it sounds so cheesy and cliche—but accepting loss gracefully makes you a true winner.
31. Show unbridled enthusiasm for something that excites you. All children are beautiful, and I think their unadulterated joy has a lot to do with it.
32. Hear what someone means, not just what they say. Anyone can nitpick. Not everyone actively works to be understanding.
33. Imagine a world where people know peace, and do one small thing to create it.
34. Honor the values that matter to you. Showing integrity is the first step to feeling good about yourself.
35. Accept and love yourself, just as you are in this moment.
And now a disclaimer: some days you may not do anything written above—in fact, you might do the exact opposite. On those days you are still beautiful.
There are times when, like Alexander, I’m having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Times when it seems like I might get swept into the tornado of chaos around me. Times when the voice in my head is unkind, and I interpret everything that happens through a negative filter. When I think the worst of people and complain about it; when I expect the worst of my day and lament it.
This admission might seem like the biggest possible acknowledgment of hypocrisy, but I have nothing to give if not my honesty. And the reality is I am imperfect. We all are. We all have moments of weakness—but they’ll only define us if they far surpass moments of kindness, compassion, love, and strength.
Being beautiful doesn’t mean adhering to some picture-perfect fantasy, or living every moment that way. It means realizing this moment is a new opportunity to be who you want to be, and making the effort to seize it.
How will you be beautiful today?
Photo here. This was originally published in 2011.
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She’s also the author of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and other books and co-founder of Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. For daily wisdom, join the Tiny Buddha list here. You can also follow Tiny Buddha on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
As a health editor, I spend the majority of my day poring over content related to, well, health. At HuffPost, we’re lucky to talk to experts on a daily basis about how to live our best lives, both mentally and physically. Over time, you start to pick up on some things. Themes begin to emerge loudly and clearly. It becomes obvious what is considered a universal “good.” These things are often relatively straightforward, and it’s clear that life would be happier and healthier if we would just do them. Sure, some of these are easier said than done, but their premises are often simple. I wanted to share a few of my favorites:
1. Have a bedtime. Sleep is considered the third pillar of health, and for good reason. Research is only making it increasingly clear that not getting enough of the stuff can have serious health effects. Meanwhile, getting enough sleep is good for everything ranging from weight, to mood, to even the immune system. One of the simplest things you can do to ensure you get enough sleep each night is to set a bedtime. Forgive yourself if you can’t meet it every night (I tell myself I need to be in bed by midnight, but life gets in the way, and all of a sudden it’s 1:30 a.m.), but make a point to try to stick to it.
2. Understand what emotional intelligence is — and make a point to cultivate it. To have emotional intelligence means to be “confident, good at working towards your goals, adaptable and flexible. You recover quickly from stress and you’re resilient,” psychologist Daniel Goleman previously told HuffPost. It’s made up of five parts: social skills, empathy, motivation, self-awareness and self-regulation. And fortunately, these are all traits you can cultivate. Be curious about things beyond yourself. Know what you’re good at and where you can stand to improve. Try to improve your ability to pay attention.
3. Take a minute. This is something I’m admittedly still working on. I’m an objectively fast person — fast at walking, fast at eating, fast at talking, you get the gist. This also makes me very impatient, and also sometimes very unobservant — stopping to smell the roses has never been my strong suit. But slowing down to appreciate life and all its little moments builds gratitude — and that’s a very healthy thing.
4. Cut out sugar where you can. I used to be a dessert fiend. Cupcakes, ice cream, brownies, if you put it in front of me, I would most definitely eat it. And growing up, I drank some sort of juice at every single meal (being mildly lactose intolerant meant instead of milk, it was OJ at breakfast, OJ at lunch, and OJ at dinner). But the more I learned about how too much sugar affects the body — and how it manages to sneak into all the non-dessert-like foods I also eat — the more I realized I had to wean myself off the sweet stuff. So I started small. Instead of dumping sugar into coffee, I slowly trained myself to go milk-only. (Now, coffee with sugar just seems too sweet.) Instead of drinking juice and soda with meals, I opt for water (and on that note, I don’t keep any beverages besides water in my fridge at home). I don’t buy cakes or cookies from the store, so I’m not tempted to eat them at 10 p.m. when I’m in my apartment. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still indulge in a slice of birthday cake or some ice cream. But those are treats, and I’ve realized that treats are not meant to be eaten all day every day.
5. Find an exercise you actually enjoy. It’s not exactly a secret how much I opposite-of-like running. I’ll still do it, because #health, but there are certainly other ways I’d rather get my fitness in. And that’s completely OK. Research has even shown that whether we think of fitness as “fun” or “exercise” affects how much we end up eating. For me, exercise is a pill best swallowed as volleyball. For you, it may be dancing, or swimming, or riding your bike. Don’t think that just because you don’t like “conventional” exercise — running, going to the gym, etc. — you’re “bad at exercise.” No such thing!
6. Know when to stay off your phone. This is another one of those things I’m still trying to be better at. There are times for Instagramming and texting, and there are times where it’s truly obvious you’re not present because your eyes are glued to your screen. I had one of those moments a few days ago, when I was out to dinner — I was so focused on answering some work emails, that when I finally looked up, I realized my dinner companions were silent, and had been waiting for me to get off my phone. It was a disruption and a distraction, and frankly, quite rude. Let’s all make a point to end the madness.
7. Drink more water. Here at Healthy Living, we’ve dubbed Health and Fitness Senior Editor Sarah Klein the “hydration expert” — she is always seen with a water bottle in hand, and if there’s ever a hydration question, she either knows the answer, or knows the expert to ask. In my years of working with her, I’ve tried to follow her lead. Not only does drinking water keep you feeling full — so you’re not ravenously hungry (and overeating as a result) — it is also a way to not drink sugary beverages. When you’re drinking water, you’re not drinking soda or sugary juice.
8. Cook food yourself. Sure, on the surface, a salad is healthy. But when a restaurant loads it down with sugary salad dressing and croutons, it can be anything but. The same goes for any other food, whether it’s ordered at a restaurant or found in the freezer aisle at the grocery store. What’s become abundantly clear to me, is that the best way to truly know what you’re eating is to just make it yourself. Your eyes may be widened at how much salt you’re eating, for instance, when you’re the one measuring the teaspoons into your dish.
9. Stop worrying so much. Writing this piece about worrying was an eye-opener for me. As a Type A person, I also tend to be a worrier — always wanting to be prepared for the worst, with a Plan A, B and C for action. But here’s a revelation: Worrying isn’t actually action. Worrying is just getting in your own head, creating a spiral of worst-case scenarios (that often don’t even end up happening) that is very rarely productive. Instead, focus on the present. Maintain perspective in a worrying situation, considering what’s actually likely to happen. Have confidence that you will be able to make it through.
Between a global pandemic and racial injustices, it’s been hard for people to be happy. Here, Woman’s Day shares expert-backed tips to help you be a happier person.
To say 2020 has been a difficult time would be an understatement. Between a global pandemic and an increase in mainstream social awareness regarding racial injustices, Americans are facing ongoing emotional distress. In fact, according to The Washington Post, 45% of adults in the U.S. say the pandemic has affected their mental health in some way. Even those who aren’t battling mental health issues may find their mood has ebbed and flowed over the last few months, and are searching for ways to be happier on a more regular basis.
Of course, a changing mood doesn’t mean you aren’t suffering from more serious mental health issues, like depression and anxiety. Even if you don’t think your mental health is at risk, you should speak to a psychologist or general practitioner to see if your occasional bouts of sadness may be a sign of something that requires medical attention.
If it doesn’t then your mood may benefit from a few simple changes to your routine. Woman’s Day spoke with Dr. Joanna Petrides, a licensed clinical psychologist and Assistant Professor at Rowan University School of Osteopathic Medicine, who specializes in anxiety and human behavior, to learn some of the little ways to lift your spirit and become happier.
Create an actual self-care routine.
No matter how busy life gets, you should always take the time to take care of yourself. Prioritizing your own needs is never selfish because without your health, you don’t have anything else.
“To get the most benefit out of your self-care activity make sure to find something that enriches you and feeds your soul,” Dr. Petrides tells Woman’s Day. “It can range from volunteering your time to gardening to planning out your next vacation. It can even be something like taking care of yourself in ways you normally don’t have time to, which lets you reaffirm you’re a priority. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something you’re passionate about and gives you a good feeling,” she adds.
Don’t look at your phone when you wake up.
You may think checking your phone as soon as you wake up is responsible, but it’s actually harmful. At least, to your mental health. That’s because, “emails and messages create this sudden surge of ‘to-dos’ and can really put us in a mood even before our day has begun,” Dr. Petrides says. If it’s hard to stop cold turkey, try incorporating some equally stimulating activities into your morning, like meditation, tidying up, or taking a shower.
When it comes to work, Petrides suggests you hold off on “checking messages until the actual start time of your work day.” Instead use that time for “small, mindful moments to help you ease into your day and set a calmer tone from the get go.”
Prioritize pleasure, and not the to-do list.
“Most, if not all, of us as children were told we can’t have fun until our chores/homework/work is done. While that’s a good lesson to learn, if it’s not modified in adulthood it can contribute to being unwell,” Dr. Petrides tells Woman’s Day. “It’s important to have a ‘must have,’ something you are not willing to miss or give up and you will schedule around to balance the other responsibilities.”
You either work to live, or live to work. It’s all about finding a balance that works for you while still feeling productive yet not burnt out.
Go outside and get lost on a hike.
Getting outside, especially during quarantine can provide the vitamin D that you may be lacking during these uncertain times. But it’s not just about getting out and moving. Dr. Petrides says you should consider straying from your normal route and get lost somewhere else.
“The beauty of getting lost in something is the full immersion experience where you are mindful of just being where you are, with what you’re doing, and without judgement,” Dr. Petrides says. “This act of being mindful let’s you switch off the background static that’s usually rolling through your mind. So whatever you do to get away, make sure you do it fully, and give it your 100% attention.”
Remove toxic relationships and draining activities from your life.
Your friends, family, and significant others should always be lifting you up and encouraging you, not holding you back. “It’s important to periodically evaluate the people and situations in your life,” Dr. Petrides says. “Healthy relationships will energize you and you will want to have those people around you. If you’re feeling a sense of dread when you think about being around someone or feel you are forcing yourself to engage, then that’s a sign to evaluate the relationship.”
Dr. Petrides notes that this rule applies to commitments made too. “If you don’t feel energized or that you’re getting something out of participating, it may be time to leave.”
Always practice creativity.
“Most of the day we are using our analytical side of the brain to complete regular tasks but incorporating creative activities in our day can actually boost our mood and give us a sense of accomplishment,”Dr. Petrides explains.
Even when you have to do something stupidly boring, find a way to make it exciting. It’s the boring stuff that gives you the biggest opportunity to get creative; to take something mundane, completely flip it on its head and make something brand new.
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“Make the most of yourself. for that is all there is of you.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
We’ve all made mistakes throughout our lives that haven’t exactly put us in the best light–like bullying someone in school or telling what seemed like a little white lie. Chances are, however, you probably felt a little guilt and grew because of the situation.
I’m an average guy trying to become better in both my work and home life. I’ll never be perfect, but it doesn’t mean I won’t try.
If you want to continue to grow as a person, here are 15 ways to make the most of yourself.
1. Compliment Yourself
Every morning before you go on with your daily routine, take a couple of minutes to give yourself a compliment. Whether you compliment your outfit, haircut, or how you recently completed a task using your unique skill sets, giving yourself a little emotional boost will make you happy. And, when you’re happy with yourself, that emotion can be contagious to those around you. Inspirational speaker Tony Robbins has a mantra he says aloud to himself most days to put him in a peak performance state.
2. Don’t Make Excuses
Blaming your spouse, boss, or clients is fruitless and won’t get you very far. Instead of pointing fingers and making excuses about why you aren’t happy or successful in your personal or professional life, own your mistakes and learn from them. When you do this, you will become a better person. When I personally started living up to my mistakes and downfalls, my life turned itself around. I became happier and healthier, and my relationship with my wife improved. We are happier than ever.
3. Let Go of Anger
Letting go of anger is easier said than done. While anger is a perfectly normal emotion, you can’t let it fester. When this happens, you may make unwise decisions, and more important, it may affect your health. Research suggests pent up anger can cause digestive problems, difficulty sleeping, and even heart disease.
To help you let go of anger, Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD, suggests you write your feelings down, pray or meditate, or begin to manage your thoughts.
4. Practice Forgiveness
Joyce Marter, LCPC, suggests you forgive and let go of resentment. She notes, “If for no other reason than for yourself, forgive to untether yourself from the negative experiences of the past. Take time to meditate, and give thanks for the wisdom and knowledge gained from your suffering. Practice the mantra, ‘I forgive you and I release you.'”
5. Be Honest and Direct
How would you feel if a loved one or business partner lied to you? Chances are you would see that as a violation of your trust. If you want to be a better person in either your personal or professional life, you should always tell the truth and state as clearly as possible what you are trying to convey. Learn to articulate your thoughts, feelings, and ideas in an open and honest manner.
6. Be Helpful
Whether giving up your seat to an elderly person on the subway, assisting a co-worker on a project, or carrying in the groceries when your spouse comes back from the store, being helpful is one of the easiest and most effective ways to practice becoming a better person. I find that the more I help others, the better I feel about myself and everyone around me.
7. Listen to Others
As Jeet Banerjee notes on Lifehack, “listening to people and giving everyone a voice is one of the greatest things you can do.” He adds that he “got to meet some of the most amazing people, close some of the biggest deals, and develop connections that will last me a lifetime all because I took time to listen to people. Being a good listener can change your life in a positive manner.”
8. Act Locally
It may not seem like a big deal, but supporting a local cause, donating clothes, or buying from local farmers’ markets or businesses are simple ways you can help your specific region. You may not be able to save the world, but you very well could make a difference in your neck of the woods. Get to know and care about your community.
9. Always Be Polite
How much effort does it take to say, “Thank you,” or to hold the elevator door open for someone? Not much at all. However, these acts of kindness can make someone’s day. I decided a few years ago that it doesn’t matter if someone is ultra rude, condescending, or worse. The way someone else behaves is not going to determine my behavior.
10. Be Yourself
Tiffany Mason has five excellent reasons on Lifehack why you should be yourself. These include being able to align yourself with your values and beliefs, establish your identity, build courage, create boundaries, and find focus and direction.
11. Be Open to Change
Whether trying a new restaurant, traveling to an unknown part of the world, or doing something that has always scared you, you should always be open to change. This allows you to grow because you experience something new. It helps you be high functioning and self-confident if you are not wary of change.
12. Be Respectful
How would you feel if you had just cleaned your home and someone came in and tracked mud everywhere? You’d probably be a little ticked that they hadn’t taken off their shoes. Take this mentality and apply it to everyday life. For example, don’t toss your trash or cigarette butts on the floor of public restrooms or sidewalks just because someone else will clean it up. Be respectful of others’ time, thoughts, ideas, lifestyles, feelings, work, and everything else. You don’t have to agree with any of it, but people have a right to their opinions and yours is not necessarily correct.
13. Don’t Show Up Empty-handed
Going to a party this weekend at your friend’s apartment? Make sure you don’t arrive empty-handed. Even if you’ve been assured that there will be plenty of food and drink, bring along a little something to show you appreciate being invited.
14. Educate Yourself
If you don’t understand why one country is invading another, take the time to educate yourself on the current event. Ask a person intimately connected with the event for his or her thoughts. Remember, we’re all interconnected, and being aware of different cultures, different people, and what their lives are like can make you a more well-rounded individual. This will also help you understand points of view different from your own.
15. Surprise People
How good does it feel to make someone smile? It feels pretty good, right? Surprise your loved ones or co-workers now and then, with a gift, a night out on the town, or by offering help when you know they could use it.
Becoming a better person doesn’t happen overnight, but it is possible. Believe in yourself and know that it is possible!
What other tips have you found useful for becoming a better person?
Achieve Jackie O’s elegance and grace with proper etiquette and style
Have you ever seen someone you thought was more elegant and graceful than most people? Do you wonder what that person’s secret is? You may be surprised by how simple it is.
People who know and show proper etiquette are often perceived as being elegant. Even if you weren’t born into an elegant environment, it is something you can learn by watching people you admire, reading guidelines on proper etiquette, and following the advice. And then you need to practice until it comes as second nature.
Start out being elegant in front of a mirror when you are alone, and then show your friends the “new you.” Once you’re comfortable with your new public persona, take it with you everywhere.
The Way You Look
There is nothing you can do about the fact that people will judge you by the way you look, so use it to your advantage. You don’t have to drain your bank account to look refined. You just have to be wise with your choices.
Here are a few tips on refining the way you look:
- Posture: Stand up straight and hold your head up when you walk. Don’t slouch when you sit. Your body language says a lot about you.
- Expression: Don’t frown. You don’t have to constantly smile, but try to have a friendly look on your face.
- Attire:Dress appropriately. If you are in doubt about what to wear to a specific event, contact the sponsor or host and find out. Never wear wrinkled or dirty clothing. Take the time to polish your shoes.
- Makeup: Understated is always better than too much makeup. Start with a clean face and pick one feature to enhance. Most makeup experts advise clients to play up either the eyes or the lips, not both.
The Way You Speak
An elegant woman speaks with confidence about topics she knows. She is also a good listener who makes the people she’s with comfortable. If you’re able to put other people at ease, their impression of you will be positive.
How to speak with elegance:
- Smile often and make eye contact.
- Speak clearly and avoid using slang that isn’t familiar to the people you are talking to.
- Avoid being a drama queen. Don’t air all your grievances to everyone you speak with. Save those for your closest friend who can be trusted to keep a confidence.
- Don’t constantly brag about yourself.
- Don’t provide too much personal information. There are some things people don’t need to know.
- Be a good conversationalist. Turn the attention to the other person, and she will think you’re brilliant.
The Way You Act
In order to be perceived as an elegant woman, you must act with dignity and poise. Don’t do something childish or silly just to get attention.
My mentor always tells me that he respects me. You know when someone gives you a compliment, and it feels really weird? That’s how I feel when he says it. Respect is something that has always been strange to me. I feel like I can only be respected based on my current track record.
I feel like once I hit a speed bump in my life, I have to earn respect all over again. Why does my mentor say he respects me? It’s kind of hard to pinpoint. It’s a bit like saying why do I love a certain someone the way I do. I don’t know, it’s kind of a “woo woo” feeling you get that makes no sense.
Being respectful is about living in a way where you have attractive values that others appreciate. Having values is one thing, but what people who are respected do is live them. I have made several new values in the last couple of years. They include:
– Treat your body like a temple
– Acknowledge and comprehend someone’s opinion even if it’s different to yours
– Give more of yourself than anybody else
– Put people above everything else
Without respect, you feel like a big piece of your soul is missing. Respect gives you something that so few people have: it gives you people’s trust. When people respect you, they give you a break and create a sense of freedom in your life. In a work environment, this is like saying, “Do what you love, whenever you want, and we’ll support you.”
Feels pretty amazing if you ask me. That last line sums up a lot of my working life. But it hasn’t been all roses. My life has had low points just like yours. I’ve had moments in my life where no one respects me and where I felt alone. Loneliness has a lot to do with the way others feel about you.
When people respect you, it’s like a superhero trait. You all of a sudden have some confidence in your life that says, “I got this baby!” When sickness knocks you down, you just feel like people have your back. My cancer scare taught me this a few years ago.
“It’s because of respect that I was able to foster the belief that anything is possible”
If I look at my life now, I feel that I’m at an all-time level high in the level of respect I get from everyone in my life. It didn’t happen in 5 minutes though. It took five years of working my butt off and doing what I said I would do.
The crux of respect is really just about keeping your word. Things got even crazier when I did more than I said I would. It’s at that level that people’s respect for you goes through the roof. Is it so hard to do this? No, it’s actually pretty easy and just takes discipline.
To reiterate, to gain more respect you need to set the following three goals:
- A) Keep your word
- B) Treat others like they are royalty
- C) Stay focused and don’t veer away from your values
I want to talk about Seinfeld for a second. The guy’s a comical genius, and if he doesn’t make you laugh then there may be something wrong with you… kidding. In a speech I heard yesterday, Seinfeld says that his success is based on habit.
Quite clearly, what he said is that all you need to do is the following:
- Buy a paper calendar
- Get a permanent red marker
- Every day, put a big X through the day if you spent time on your passion
Not a bad formula for success. You could almost use these three steps for any goal. Respect is no different, and you could apply the same principle. Every day, put an X through the day if you kept to the three goals above. Once it’s a habit, respect will flow into your life like a freight train speeding down a railway track.
The challenge with respect is like most things in life: it’s just too bloody complicated. It’s like a foreign matter from Mars that nobody knows how to bring back to Earth. It’s not easy to articulate. Complex things rarely get achieved, so dumb it right down.
To be in control of your mind, remain disciplined, and treat others with respect, you can try the following three practices:
1 . Write your thoughts down
Respect is gained when you can demonstrate to others that your mind is under control. People respect you when you treat them well. It’s hard to be nice to people if you are walking around with a head full of negative thoughts.
Through blogging, I’ve learned to write my thoughts down and get them out of my head. This allows me, during work hours, to have a clearer mind that can be focused on treating others well. I am able to remember what’s important to the various people I interact with, and this helps me build rapport. Rapport is the gateway to respect.
It’s hard for someone to respect you if they don’t have rapport with you. If you aren’t into blogging like me, then try something like doing five minutes of journaling. There’s a great journal called The Five-minute Journal which has a good guide. Get used to expressing yourself through writing.
2 . Tell people you appreciate them
It’s funny how the things that make people respect us are almost too easy not to do. One of those things is to tell people you appreciate them. I don’t mean in a fake kind of way. The best way is to do it only if you mean it, and put lots of passion into your voice.
The approximate time needed to do this is something like sixty seconds a day. The results that come from this habit are off the charts.
“People respect you when you appreciate them first”
Respect starts with you taking action first and then the benefits follow. This point is dear to my heart especially with tragedies like the one I recently witnessed where a madman killed people only meters away from me. What if you never got to tell someone how much they meant to you ever again? Do it.
3 . Say sorry when you mess up
This practice is only very new for me. I make mistakes all the time, just like you do. Until recently, I never said sorry or acknowledged them. Now I do it every time. Last week I offended my friend because he thought I didn’t respect his partner. I said sorry.
The week before, I snapped at someone because I had hardly slept the night before. I told them the next day I was sorry. I got off a train and said some silly things to a train conductor because his voice through the PA was interrupting my mobile phone conversation. I said sorry.
You will be the person everyone respects when you can apologize without being asked when you’ve done something wrong.
Outcomes
- A) Within a month, I felt better about myself
- B) Within three months I noticed more people said hello to me
- C) Within six months my advice on social media began to be shared by people I respected
- D) Within a year I became the go-to person for people who are way smarter and more successful than me.
And then, of course, I would experience a challenging life experience and sometimes forget all of the rules I’ve just mentioned. That’s okay. We’re not Superman 24 / 7, chief!
How to Teach the Past Simple Tense – Verb to Be
“To be or not to be?” is the question pondered by the melancholy Hamlet. On the other hand, an ESL teacher might ask: how do I teach the simple past of the verb to be, without needlessly confusing my students? It’s all rather simple. Follow a step by step process, and don’t move on to next step until you’re sure your students have mastered the one you’re currently on.
How To Proceed
Introduce the Past Simple of the verb to be – First person singular
Begin by asking your students, “Where am I?” They should answer, “You’re in class/at school.” Introduce the past simple of the verb to be like this:
T: Yesterday at this time, I was at home.
Go around the class, and have students take turns saying where they were the previous day in the first person singular.
Introduce the Past Simple of the verb to be – Third person singular
Go around the class and say where each student was, giving examples in the third person singular: Sarah was at home. John was at the gym. Bobby was at a friend’s house. Etc. Students continue by saying where some of their family members were: My mom was at home. My dad was at work. My sister was at the park.
Introduce the Past Simple of the verb to be – Second person singular
Go around the class and now make statements in the second person singular, addressing each student: Sarah, you were at home. John, you were at the gym. Each student points to one classmate and says where he or she was.
Do the same for the plural persons
Get all of those who were at home together and say, “We were at home.” Do the same for “you (pl.)” and “they”: John and Tom, you were at the gym. Bobby and his cousin were at a friend’s house. They were there till 6 pm. Give as many examples as needed to make sure students grasp the conjugation.
Introduce the Past Simple of the verb to be – Negative forms
Say, “Yesterday at this time, I was at home. I wasn’t at school.” Give more examples alternating between affirmative and negative statements: Sarah, you were at home. You weren’t at the gym. John was at the gym. He wasn’t at school. And so on with all persons, singular and plural. Then have students do the same, always alternating between affirmative and negative statements.
Introduce the Past Simple of the verb to be – Interrogative forms
Model questions like this:
T: Where were you at 10 o’clock last night?
S: I was at home.
T: Ask me!
S: Where were you at 10 o’clock last night?
Continue with more questions from students. Encourage them to ask what time, where, when, why, etc…First, they ask you (second person singular, then they ask classmates, then they ask a classmate about another classmate (Where was Sheila last night?), and so on. Make sure they ask questions in all persons, both singular and plural. If they are unsure as to how to ask a question, model it for them first.
Introduce the Past Simple of the verb to be – Short answers
Ask yes or no questions and teach students to give short answers:
T: Were you at school last night?
S: Yes, I was./No, I wasn’t.
If time allows, ask them to provide more complete answers.
T: Were you at school last night?
S: Yes, I was./No, I wasn’t. I was at home.
Provide lots of extended practice
Try giving your students this worksheet to review what they’ve learned. And here’s another with several exercises, one of which asks students to complete affirmative, and negative sentences, as well as write questions.
For practical purposes, the examples above all cover location (at home/at school). But you may also practice the simple past of the verb to be with feelings (I was happy/sad), the weather (Yesterday was sunny/hot/windy), or opinions (The movie was good/bad/great), just to name a few options.
Written by joshua becker · 62 Comments
“You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” — John Bunyan
There are very few people who don’t like the idea of generosity. We are indeed a species that loves to help others and confront needs when we see them. Unfortunately, there are also very few people who are content with the level of generosity in their lives. Most people I know wish they were able to give more. And while there are a number of reasons that this may be the case… sometimes the best solution may be the simplest.
To that end, there are a number of simple steps that we can take to make generosity more intentional in our lives. If you have never given away any money or time, this would be a great way to get started (no matter what your current economic situation is). On the other hand, if you are just hoping to raise the level of generosity in your life, you will also find some of these simple steps to be relevant and helpful.
10 Simple Ways to Become a More Generous Person
1. Consider the benefits of generosity. Generous people report being happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life than those who don’t give. Generosity produces within us a sense that we are capable of making a difference in the world, that we are actively addressing the needs of those around us, and that we are shaping our community into a healthier one. While generosity is typically seen as the opposite of self-serving, counting the personal benefits is indeed one of the most important steps that we can take in getting started.
2. Embrace gratitude. Make a list of the things in your life for which you are grateful. Your list doesn’t have to be long. It won’t take much time. Heck, it doesn’t even have to be a physical list (in your head will be completely sufficient). Sometimes, the most important step you can take to become more generous is to spend more time thinking about what you already possess and less time thinking about what you don’t. Once you start intentionally thinking that way, you may be surprised just how good you already have it… and become more apt to share your life with others.
3. Start really small. If you’ve never given away money, start by giving away $1. If you are embarrassed to give just $1, don’t be. You’ve got nothing to worry about: there are plenty of charities online that allow you to give with your credit card and you’ll never cross paths with the people who record your $1 donation. Of course, the point of this exercise is not to report a $1 tax deduction on your year-end tax return. The point is to get started. If you’ll feel more comfortable giving $5, $10, or $20, start there. But no matter what dollar amount you choose, jump right in with something small. You can afford it… and that little push can help build momentum in your life towards generosity.
4. Give first. When you receive your next paycheck, make your first expense an act of giving. Often times, we wait to see how much we have left over before we determine how much we can give away. The problem is that most of the time after we start spending, there is nothing left over. The habit of spending all of it is too deeply ingrained in our lives. To counteract that cycle, give first. Every payday, write a check for $10 to your local homeless shelter. You just may be surprised how you won’t even miss it.
5. Divert one specific expense. For a set period of time (try 29 days), divert one specific expense to a charity of your choosing. You may choose to bring a lunch to work, ride your bike to work once/week, or give up Starbucks on Mondays (wait, make that Thursday). Calculate the money you’ll save and then redirect it to a specific charity/cause. Whatever you choose, I recommend picking something that would be fun to give up – something unique that you’ll remember. And setting a specific period of time for the experiment should make it completely achievable. Courtney Carver gave away an extra $225 in one month just giving up Starbucks.
6. Fund a cause based on your passions. There are countless charities/causes that need your support. And some of them are directly in-line with your most compelling passions. What are you most passionate about? Is it the environment, poverty, or religion? Maybe it’s world peace, child nutrition, or animal rights? What about education, civil rights, or clean water? Identify what passions already move you, find a committed organization around that cause, and then joyfully help them in their work. In my life, that means I support Essex CHIPS with both my finances and time. It is a local organization that empowers teenagers to make healthy choices. Since I’ve worked with students my entire life, this organization was just a natural extension of my existing passions. As a result, supporting them made perfect sense.
7. Find a person you believe in. If you find that you are more easily motivated and shaped by the people in your life rather than organizations/causes, use that tendency as motivation instead. Take careful notice of the people in your life that you most admire. What organizations/causes do they hold most dear? Who do they support? What makes them passionate about supporting it? And how can you get involved alongside them?
8. Spend time with people in need. One of the most effective antidotes for non-generosity is to make space in your life for those who actually need your help. After all, it is a very small step to go from knowing somebody in need to helping somebody in need. One of the easiest ways to accomplish this is to volunteer one meal at your local homeless shelter. Most homeless shelters readily accept volunteers and have systems in place to get you started. And rubbing shoulders with the poor just may change your impression of them forever.
9. Spend time with a generous person. One of the most life-changing conversations I’ve ever had about generosity occurred when I found the courage to start asking specific questions of the right person. I remember starting with, “Have you always been generous?” And immediately followed with more: “When did you become so generous? How did it start? How do you decide where your money goes? What advice would you give someone who wants to get started?” It was life-changing. And the other guy paid for the meal… go figure.
10. Live a more minimalist life. Intentionally decide to own less. Oh sure, living a minimalist life won’t automatically make you a more generous person, but it will provide the space necessary to make it possible. You’ll spend less money on things at the department store. You’ll have more time/energy to help others. And the intentionality that emerges in your life will help you discover the need for generosity. Minimalism has resulted in many positive changes in my life – becoming more generous has been one of the most important.
Generosity rarely happens by chance. Instead, it is an intentional decision that we make in our lives. But it does not need to be as difficult as many people think. Sometimes, starting with the simple steps is the best step that we can take.
What simple steps have you incorporated into your life to foster generosity?
You know that person. The one everyone wants to be around, makes people feel amazing about themselves, and seems to have an effortless effervescence. Here are a few tips for how to be popular, in the best sense of the word. It’s easier than you think to pull off.
1) Stop complaining: Everyone has problems. But not everyone wants to hear about yours. Hanging with a Debbie Downer is the pits, so put your energy into focusing on the good and not only will you be a LOT more fun to be around, but you’ll be happier, too.
2) Listen: Actually REALLY listen. Not the listening where you’re already thinking ahead to that killer anecdote that you just have to share, but give your undivided attention. Being that person who makes someone feel truly heard will make you stand out in the best possible way.
3) Smile: Smiling draws people in, puts people at ease, and elevates their mood. Best part? It even makes you happier.
4) Don’t gossip: While you might think that your audience is on the same page, it’s a risk not worth taking and 100% counter-productive to exuding goodness. Here are 10 alternatives to gossip that will make talking behind someone’s back a thing of the past.
5) Be positive: Focusing on the good (even if it’s really tiny and really hard to find) makes you a lot more attractive as a hang-time pal. And being a positive influence in someone’s life will make them happier, too. Trust us, it’s science.
6) Expect nothing: We all know that person who mysteriously comes out of the woodwork whenever there’s something in it for them. But the person who gives and gives and expects nothing in return? That’s a rarity. And a treasured one.
7) Be your authentic self: We all have quirks and idiosyncrasies, and, chances are, they aren’t as weird or awkward as you think. Dr. Seuss said, “There is no one alive who is you-er than you.” We concur, so let those endearing qualities shine through.
8) Don’t compare: Resist the temptation to compare yourself to others. It’s never an even playing field when you start playing that game. And it undermines your self confidence and slows you down. None of these are helpful to you in the short term or long term.
9) Be humble: Your accomplishments might truly be amazing, but leading with them is not the way to gain favor. Better to show your generosity by lending a hand to someone in need than telling others how generous you are. Actions speak louder than words, you know.
10) Take a chance: Be the kind of person who’s not afraid to take the plunge on something big. Even when it doesn’t pay off people respect the person who’s not afraid to try. Plus, it makes for some pretty interesting stories along the way.
Whether it involves your work, family, relationships or life in general, changes are bound to happen. And to be able to live with those changes, you need to be adaptable. You need to be able to face the changes head on and accept them for what they are.
If you are having a really hard time making the necessary adjustments, below are some tips on how to be adaptable you can totally try.
Stop whining
What do you do when something terrible happens?
Majority of people start whining as soon as they find themselves in a difficult situation. It’s normal but this reaction leads to nowhere.
If you’re one of them, don’t stay at a standstill. Instead, learn to accept the situation, adapt to it, and move on.
There’s no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’
Eliminate ‘wrong’ beliefs from your life. We used to believe that many things are ‘wrong’ and must be avoided, but it’s not the case if you want to be successful.
Be bold enough to try things that others run away from. This trait has helped many successful people build companies, corporations, and fortune.
Improve your coping mechanism
The way you deal with personal and professional setbacks may significantly affect your future success. Discover your coping mechanism and consider changing some aspects of it.
If you usually switch strategies to overcome various life challenges, try to forge ahead, learn from mistakes, and try again. Don’t run away from them. Instead, change what’s not working with your coping mechanism.
Be open to change
New things aren’t necessarily bad things. No matter how you slice it, changes make our lives better. Unless you’re doing something that can damage your health and overall life, feel free to experiment with spiritual, personal, and professional worlds.
Have the whole alphabet for your plan
Successful things don’t happen overnight. And this is where you may need the whole alphabet rather than the first three letters of it.
When Plan A doesn’t work, switch to Plan B. If it still doesn’t work, move to Plan C. If 20 plans don’t work, move to Plan W or Y. This way, no change will scare you.
Engage in a positive self-talk
I’m not telling you to sit and talk to yourself every morning or evening. That’s kind of madness, right?
But positive self-talk every now and then can help you adapt to any changes faster, especially if you have no one to encourage and support you during the rough times.
Stick to your natural inclinations
If a situation doesn’t come naturally and you have trouble coping with it, turn to your natural inclinations. If you’re an extrovert who draws the strength and inspiration from talking to other people, no matter whether they’re family members or total strangers, make sure you talk to them.
If you’re an introvert, spend some time alone. Analyze the situation you are in and find a solution. Do what you feel is right to you.
Think big
You can greatly improve your adaptability by learning to think big. Break through the limitations you’ve set for yourself. Let go of them. Expand your horizons. Set realistic goals and you will never feel like you failed.
All of these will not only help you be more adaptable in the future, but will also show you the road to success.
Don’t blame yourself
… and others, if you have this habit.
Adaptable people know their personalities and they always keep reinventing themselves in order to adapt. They don’t blame themselves for mistakes, failures, rejections, traits, and doubts. They do realize that if they can’t change it, they must accept it.
Blaming yourself or others is just a waste of time. Focus on improvement, not the past.
Learn how to balance your life
Trying to succeed in all aspects of life is great, but you risk ending up feeling miserable in case of a failure. Create a balanced life, instead. After all, it’s impossible to adapt to all changes in all aspects of life, no matter how strong you are.
When you’re balanced, you feel grounded, calm, clear-headed, inspired, and motivated. Take time to look at your life, and figure out the aspects of it. You are either neglecting or paying too much attention to it.
Stop waiting
… for the right time, right place, success, happiness, money, people- you name it. Just stop waiting.
When it comes to adaptability, there’s no ‘right’ moment. You have to take action to cope with the hard stuff. You can either influence or accept it. There’s no other choice.
Adaptability isn’t a part of success; it’s a part of life. It’s vital for a happy life. Although some people are adaptable to circumstances by nature, you can master this skill as well. It will take time, patience, and effort but it will all be worth it in the end.
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Author: James J-Pierre
James is the CEO and founder of Entrepreneurboy. He shares what works and doesn’t work to help motivated individuals take the next step in the entrepreneurial direction. Click here to read his guide on Entrepreneurship.
Forms and functions of the irregular verb ‘to be’
- Ph.D., Rhetoric and English, University of Georgia
- M.A., Modern English and American Literature, University of Leicester
- B.A., English, State University of New York
The verb to be is one of the shortest and most important—yet oddest—verbs in the English language. It’s an irregular verb, and indeed, the only one in English that completely changes form in each tense.
Usage of To Be
The verb to be is probably the most important verb in English. It can be used in simple statements such as:
- How are you?
- It is a beautiful day!
- I am from Italy.
However, it can also be used to express complex thoughts. In fact, it’s the verb at the very core of one of William Shakespeare’s most famous plays, “Hamlet,” in which the title character speaks the famous line: “To be, or not to be?” In this famous quotation, Prince Hamlet is questioning his very existence, and in effect, wondering if it’s better to be dead than alive. At its core, that’s what to be connotes: a state of being or existence.
To Be as a Linking, Transitive, or Auxiliary Verb
To be is a very common verb, however, it’s important to learn how to use it properly. Before conjugating the verb in its present and past tenses, it’s important to understand what this verb does.
To be is a stative verb, meaning, it refers to the way things are—their appearance, state of being, and even their smell. To be or be can be a linking verb that joins the subject of a sentence to a word or phrase that tells something about the subject, as in these examples:
- Jennifer is my sister.
- That television show is interesting.
- Our house is in the countryside.
To be can also be an auxiliary or helping verb that works with the main verb, as in these examples:
- Kim is making a clay vase.
- Joe had built his first model rocket last year.
- People have admired Michelangelo’s sculptures for centuries.
To be can also be a transitive verb, which is a verb that takes either a direct or indirect object. An example would be: “Sue is talking.” In this sentence, is, the “to be” verb, takes a direct object, talking.
To Be: Present Tense
As with any verb, the present tense of the verb to be can take several forms: the indicative or simple present, the present perfect, and the present continuous. The tables below show how to conjugate to be in these forms:
| Indicative Mode | |
|---|---|
